- Jim Wall | The Adventure Chronicles
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- 💡A Necessary Emergency
How trusting my gut and facing my fear brought me closer to my dad than ever.
If I can find a deal, screw it, I am buying a flight for tomorrow.
Frontier Airlines came through: $160 round trip Miami to Chicago.
My dad, 83 years young, took a fall on New Year's Eve and broke one of the vertebrae in his neck. After a month in the hospital and rehab, he just got out and has been staying with his sister.
He’ll be in a neck brace for several months and can’t drive or move too quickly.
I called him every other day, but most of the time he didn’t want to talk.
I’m hurting, call your uncle Pete, I told him the latest.
Can I come visit?
I don’t want any visitors, I just want to relax. I’m fine.
I knew he wasn’t fine.
Adventures always have fear and uncertainty, so that’s what I decided this would be.
My dad has always been there for us
There is absolutely no way you can go to or come from an airport in Chicago without my dad insisting on giving you a ride.
Ubers are expensive, the train is dangerous, it’s too cold…I’m Wall-ber, I’ll get you.
Resistance was futile.
He was always there to pick me and my brothers up from school, soccer games, or the train station. He’d do the same for cousins, neighbors, and even carpooled for school field trips.
Even at 83, he’s lived in his own house and very independently.
Do you know anyone who just seems frozen in time, like they’ve been the same age forever?
That’s always been my dad.
The dude still goes to the bar every day at 4pm to enjoy a few pints of cold Miller Lite and banter with the other retired firefighters, teachers, and tradesmen.
It felt like that would never change.
We never spoke about feelings much, he’s always shown love by helping out and being present.
That’s why it was so hard when he didn’t want me to do the same for him. I needed to figure out what was going on, but I didn’t know what to say.
My gut told me to just buy the damn flight and go
I dropped everything, moved my scheduled calls, and told Michelle I needed to make a last-minute trip.
Just 12 hours after I bought the flight I landed at Midway Airport and for the first time, I took an Uber.
I’m a grown 34-year-old man, but part of me was scared.
Scared to see him less independent.
Scared he’d get mad at me for visiting against his wishes.
Scared to actually tell him how much I cared about him.
I met my younger brother and we headed to our aunt’s house to see him. He felt similar.
This was the first time I ever saw Dad with an unshaven face.
We gave him a shave and joked about that being the reason for him accepting our visit. Despite his earlier resistance, he seemed excited to see us. He wouldn’t say that, you just have to know.
After some small talk, we sat down and I finally said something I needed to say for weeks.
Dad, how are you doing, really?
The room got quiet. He knew from our silence that we wanted the real answer.
What he said taught me everything about him
Boys…my life has changed drastically in the last month.
My sister offered to let me stay here for as long as I need.
His voice started to choke up.
There are people calling, sending cards…there’s been such an outpouring of support.
It’s been overwhelming.
He paused to collect himself.
I’ve only seen him cry one other time in my life, 18 years ago. I needed to collect myself too. But in that moment, I suddenly realized the reason for everything he ever did or said in my entire life.
I discovered his most core identity: a Giver.
Suddenly the exact words I had been searching for came to me.
Dad, you’ve always been such a giver. That’s why you’re the best dad we ever could have asked for.
But sometimes it’s ok to receive.
People want to give because you've done so much for them… And letting them give back doesn’t take away who you are, in fact, it reinforces who you are.
Those words traveled through so many layers straight into his heart.
He slowly turned his head to me, and nodded. No more needed to be said.
What would have happened if I didn’t listen to my gut and go talk to him? Would I have ever found the words to say if I didn’t overcome those fears?
The Bottom Line
There are always new and deeper ways we can get to know someone. Yes, even if you’ve known them for over 30+ years!
It may feel uncomfortable or scary, but that’s exactly what growth feels like. Lean into it. Do something new with them. Say what’s been on your heart.
Chances are, it’s been on their heart too. Be the one to say it first.
When we choose to see life as an adventure, we use our fear instead of hiding from it or letting it control us.
Three questions I’d like to challenge you with this week:
Who do you finally need to have a real, honest conversation with? (what could you lose if you don’t?)
What fear do you need to use right now as a guide for taking action? (what’s the next best step?)
How could this feel differently if it was all part of your own story of adventure?
“Fear is excitement with the brakes on. It’s just energy. Fear can be instructive and directive. It’s a guide that’ll show you exactly where you have to go”
What’s something you’ve been scared of that you know is calling you to action?
I’ll go first: having a direct, honest conversation with my dad.
— Jim Wall (@thejimwall)
5:39 PM • Feb 6, 2023
If you’re craving an adventure in your own life, be it related to health, career, or relationships, I’m offering complementary calls. I guarantee we’ll have you clear on your next steps. Grab a slot here.
In my favorite new podcast, Ed Mylett shares how he learned life lessons from his dad, spoken or unspoken: “some things are taught, others are caught”. It goes deep in just the first 5 minutes, give it a listen.
That’s all for now my friend. I hope these weekly stories of adventure and the lessons they teach inspire you to embark upon your own adventures.
In next week’s issue, I’ll share a story about what my friends and I called Operation Churchill. It involves a WWII bunker in London, shots of espresso, and a slight lie of omission.
Talk to you again soon.
Jim Wall