⚡️ The painful truth I'd rather you read here

This is a story about rare friendships, what’s missing in social media, and how to blame properly.

(Estimated read time 6-8 minutes 📖) 

No offense Jim, but you just haven’t been putting in enough reps.

Agreed, you haven’t gotten rejected nearly enough to know how to improve yet.

Come back when you’ve gotten hundreds of “no”s, then we’ll talk more.

Those words stung, especially coming from my best friends Peter and Brian.

It was new to running a business, sales were slow, and I was looking for some encouragement. I was also making the favorite mistake of people who get rejected: fault the other person.

I thought the market “just didn’t understand” what I was offering. Rookie mistake.

Their response smacked me with the cold, hard reality - the only fault is that I needed to keep working and be patient.

The Friend We’re Missing

As the classic story goes, you see the gritty CEO in the boardroom, surrounded by their advisors.

Everyone robotically responding with, “yes, GREAT idea”, “absolutely”, “that’s ingenious sir!”

Damnit, will anyone tell me the truth?! As he smacks his hand down on the table.

This lack of blunt honesty has crept into boardrooms, our circles of friends, and social media spaces.

The focus becomes agreeing and/or attacking the ‘other side’ rather than challenging each other’s ideas, learning how to defend your opinion, and (gasp) even changing your mind.

How are we supposed to improve if 50% of the world is telling us we’re always right and the other 50% is a bad person for thinking differently?

We don’t.

But how did we get here?

Put simply, because judging is easier than taking personal responsibility.

We blame things on (in reverse order):

3️⃣ Circumstances —> 2️⃣ Others —> 1️⃣ Ourselves

If I didn’t have friends like Peter and Brian to tell me, “it’s not the market’s fault, you just need to get better”, I would have failed in business years ago.

Positive encouragement is important, but so is getting called out to take responsibility for our own improvement.

How to Be That Friend

Can you remember a time when a parent, teacher, or coach pushed you to improve at something when you were a kid?

Put yourself in that moment and recall what they said to you.

Did you feel your heart racing, did you cry, did you feel the air sucked out of your lungs?

It was probably uncomfortable. What happened afterwards?

You probably took ownership, tried your best, and got better.

And it felt damn good.

The older we get, the less relationships we have like this. That’s why we hear phrases like, “they’re stuck in their ways”. 

If the thought of that being you sounds terrifying (like it does for me), I have a recommendation: be that person willing to challenge someone to a higher standard.

There are two simple steps to doing that, we must:

1. Hold ourselves to the same standard we challenge them to

2. Have/give permission to challenge

It’s a two-way street, and that’s exactly why it’s a win-win (and also why these relationships are rare).

I took Peter and Brian’s challenge to heart because I knew they had both faced countless rejections and failures in their business and career.

And by the way, I got to call them out on their fitness, it applies in so many ways.

How to NOT Be That Friend

Now just in case, there are a few ways to really mess this up if you want to.

Allow me to share a few:

• Expect every friend to be able to meet you on this level

• Call them out without first asking them if they’re ready

• Call them out without giving any positive feedback

• Don’t discuss this intention together in advance

• Try this in social media comments sections

• Take feedback as an attack your character

You may only have one or a few friends to have this relationship with. That’s great!

I believe it’s better to start small anyway.

Thank you Peter and Brian for not telling me it was the economy’s fault. For not telling me people just don’t get it. They told me to look at myself. That was a painful truth I needed to hear.

They chose not to make me feel better in the moment, so that I was better off in the long run.

And that’s a friend we all need.

The Bottom Line

Moments of extreme growth are uncomfortable. 

Take responsibility, it puts in your hands the power to change.

Be the friend who’s honest, and you’ll get it back.

My challenge for you this week is to invite one friend to join you in this practice. Send them this email, ask them if the message resonates, and if so, set up your first call with them to keep each other accountable.

If you want a head start, I invite you to join our free mastermind call every Thursday to meet new friends just like this —> join us for the first call TODAY here.

Join Our Free Mastermind

Are you open to learning from, supporting, and collaborating with other ambitious folks? Join weekly on Thursdays to create more success and have fun in the process —> here.

Recommended Book

Any history nerds here? Luckily for General George Washington, he also had two friends that were willing to tell him the truth: Nathanael Greene and Lafayette.

They shot down his potentially disastrous battle plans and offered him different perspectives that most certainly saved the American Revolution. Check out the review —> here.

🏆 Lastly, let me bribe you with cool stuff!

If you refer a new subscriber to this newsletter, I’ll send you a free e-book of your choice.

📢 Since we’re talking about feedback, I’d love to hear from you. Did this message resonate with you? What other topics would you like to hear about? Hit reply and let me know!

Keeping living your Great Adventure.

Jim Wall